Teaching Empathy and Building Friendships
We learn empathy from our very first days and it continues to develop throughout our lives. Empathy allows us to understand as well as value other perspectives. It is the foundation of strong and healthy relationships and how we connect with others. Children learn empathy from observing us and experiencing the empathy we show toward them. As caregivers, there are many ways that we can support children in developing empathy through the language that we use, the questions that we ask, and by modeling with actions.
Some important lessons in building empathy:
Giving Feelings Names
Provide opportunities for your child to express their feelings by helping to give names to feelings. Ask them about what is happening in their bodies and around them. Being encouraged and empowered to identify and articulate their feelings and experiences will deepen their connection to others by helping them recognize emotions in others. In this way, we can also teach children to regulate their own negative emotions- which sometimes block our ability to show empathy for others. Remind them that feelings are not right or wrong, good or bad. And all feelings tell us something!
In supporting children, it is also important to recognize our own feelings and the times when empathizing is more difficult. Sometimes our children will push our buttons or display challenging behaviors. In these moments, we can address the behavior while also acknowledging their feelings as well as our own.
Active Listening
Listening is an action! When we listen with our bodies, minds, and words, others can see and hear that we are listening. Children will also notice how we interact and communicate with others. Practice active listening when your little ones are communicating with you to model how to listen with care:
Ask questions
Repeat what they are saying
Make eye contact
Turn body toward them
Nod head
Be aware of facial expressions
Avoid interrupting
Ignore distractions
Seeing Another Person’s Perspective
Empathy is often described as putting yourself in someone else’s shoes. This means understanding how another person sees things and putting our own feelings aside. Encourage children to think about and to ask others how they are feeling in different situations. Reminding them about the Golden Rule can help them consider how they would think, feel, and act if they were in a similar situation.
Differences Make us Wonderful!
We all look different, inside and outside. And that means that we see things differently too. Differences help us learn about each other and grow together. Embracing diversity in race, ethnicity, skills, beliefs, and experiences helps us build empathy by learning how we are different and that we all have something important to share with others. Encourage your child to notice when they see something differently than someone else and to learn about the experiences of others.
Empathy in Action and Being a Good Friend
Support your child in developing positive relationships with others and learning how to be a good friend:
Encourage them to learn about their friends. Good communication is about talking AND listening. What are their favorite foods? What do they like about school? Who do they live with?
Remind them that disagreements happen and apologies matter. Disagreements can strengthen relationships when we are willing to understand and respect someone else’s opinions, even when it is not the same as our own. Saying sorry when we have made a mistake or hurt someone is also an important part of taking responsibility and building trust in friendships.
Encourage them to look for ways to be helpful and practice acts of kindness. There are always ways to support a friend or make someone’s day a little brighter- doing extra chores at home, standing up for a friend, or giving an honest compliment. Just keep your eyes and ears open!
Fun Activities to Build Empathy and Social-Emotional Skills
Feelings Charades: a family favorite- with emotions! Act out different emotions for others to guess. If actions don’t get your point across, try using words to describe a situation in which you might experience the emotion.
Feelings Bingo- instead of numbers and letters, give names to feelings to expand vocabulary and awareness of a variety of feelings and experiences.
Common Ground Flower- Create a flower, with a petal to represent each individual by listing or drawing the things that make each person in the group unique. Use the center of the flower to list or draw the things that all individuals have in common. Watch the flower blossom to show the beauty of our similarities and differences.
Story Talk- discuss the experiences and perspectives of characters in books and TV shows. What do the characters feel, think, believe, want, and need? How do we know? Is someone in the story struggling in some way? What could be done to help?
Develop Coping Strategies: help children regulate their emotions by practicing deep breathing exercises when they are calm. Mindfulness exercises and meditation can guide self-regulation by using our senses to redirect focus and heighten our awareness of others.
Written By Michelle Russell, LMSW,
Michelle has extensive experience working with children and families in educational and residential care settings in New York City and Tanzania. She holds a Bachelor degree in Psychology from Loyola College in Maryland and a Master of Social Work degree from New York University, focusing on micro and macro-perspectives of practice. Her professional contributions have included individual and group counseling, positive behavior support for educators and caregivers, development of social welfare policy, and psychosocial assessment and treatment planning; while supporting clients experiencing a wide range of psychiatric diagnoses and social-emotional challenges. Most recently, her primary area of focus has been on clinical psychotherapy practice with adolescents and their families. She is also the proud mother of a very active toddler and golden retriever.